Why we should be embracing disappointment in the workplace.

Parents whose children collect Panini stickers or were collectors themselves, will recall the nervous rush of anticipation, followed by a bitter sting of disappointment when the torn package failed to deliver that much longed for player. It was the sticker failures that made the sticker wins moments to cherish. So why, as parents, do we go out of our way to minimise our child’s disappointments?

Back in the day, Sports Day for some of us was a dreaded ritual of torture and humiliation which most of us learnt to endure. However, these days there are no losers, only participants. We carefully navigate our way around disappointment, ensuring we delay it for as long as possible. Teams are picked regardless of ability; everyone gets to play. Every child has a part in the school play. Santa Googles tirelessly for that much coveted toy that apparently sold-out months ago, in the hope that if one can be found, the deep joy it will bring on Christmas Day will somehow stay with our precious offspring all the way to adulthood.

But what of the dangers of failure free first years? At what age do we lose the ability to cosset our children and are we setting them up for a fall? For those high achievers who sale through their school years clocking up accolades with relative ease, a day will dawn when the pond becomes bigger and competition suddenly becomes a thing.

Some children may make it as far as the university selection process before facing rejection for the first time. Others will not experience set back until they enter the workplace. So, what does this mean for employers who are faced with a workforce equipped only for success? What, as a team leader, can you do to ensure that your team are not only armed to cope with disappointment, but are prepared to make the most of the important opportunity it affords?

It is true that, disappointment, the feeling of sadness when something falls short of expectation, if not dealt with, can lead to apathy. However, there are three main reasons why disappointment should be viewed positively. It signals a desire or appetite for something, a passion. It signals an opportunity for growth, fulfilment of an expectation not yet met. It signals truth; the mismatch between expectation and reality, the discovery that things are not as first thought.

Disappointment is a useful troubleshooting tool to help us establish the gaps between hope and realism. It can help to make us stronger and more resilient by allowing us to learn to work through our emotions.

Disappointments at work are inevitable. The best way for you and your team to deal with them is to know they will happen and to have a plan in place to manage the failure when it occurs.

Typical setbacks at work may be numerous. Unfortunately, schools and colleges rarely prepare the workforce to be on the lookout for them or offer advice on how best to cope. New or younger members of a team are particularly vulnerable. If left unmanaged, each disappointment can create negativity, each one breeding a little more frustration or resentment. Inevitably, when a series of setbacks occur, the most common reaction is to leave and seek employment elsewhere. In more established employees, ones who have developed their own coping mechanisms, there may be secrecy or an unwillingness to make changes or try new things for fear of failure. Therefore, it is important to establish within your team, a framework to help them to manage their defeats, drawbacks, and disappointments.

A problem shared

Venting about an issue is sometimes enough to dissipate the frustration felt when failure occurs. It can also help to process thoughts about the event. Venting does not mean complaining. Carping about a situation versus having a conversation to gain an understanding on what went wrong are two completely different things. To vent successfully, you need someone who is a good listener and honest with their feedback. The exercise is intended to allow discussion to take place during which a different perspective may be aired.

Pause for thought

Reflecting on disappointment can also help to gain perspective. Anger and denial of a person’s perception can give way to reflection on what their perception was and how it differs to your own. Replaying events projected from another’s point of view, essentially stepping into their shoes can often lead to a discovery as to what could have been done better, or differently, and reveal potential improvements on similar projects in the future.

Re-adjust your expectations

It is a fact that not every situation will turn out according to plan. If your team live by this philosophy, you are lessening their propensity for disappointment. That is not to say that every event should be approached with failure in mind, but it is good practice to approach the event knowing you have put in your best effort. Then, if things don’t go according to plan, you have peace of mind that you did your best. If the outcome is less than favourable, it should be viewed as an opportunity to learn.

Seek advice

Disappointees should be encouraged to discuss events with their line mangers or with their team leaders. As a Head, you should encourage all members of your team to share their disappointments with you. This should not be viewed as a weakness, or as an admission of a mistake, but as an opportunity for personal growth. It is suggested that the meeting only takes place once the dust has settled and the sting of the disappointment has lessened a little, but it is an ideal opportunity to discuss what can be done better, or differently, going forward.

Such discussions help to keep the content in context and remove barriers to future conversations, particularly during appraisals. They also help to remove any defensive conversations which are much less beneficial. It is important to nurture relationships within teams that are not contentious or uncomfortable, particularly when giving feedback on performance.

Onwards and upwards

The reality is that our days are filled with ups and downs. Disappointments and setbacks are part of life, they are not personal, they don’t target us or seek us out to trip us up. Acceptance of a situation helps us to move on. Harbouring negative thoughts about an experience can become all consuming, a waste of effort and energy. It is not easy to ‘just let things go’, but accepting the experience, learning from it and moving on, is the very best way to eliminate the feeling that it is has got the better of you. Onwards and upwards wins the day.

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